S4 - One Grew Over The Cockoo's Nest

I am Bezedash and I would like to share with you my twisted view of a human being deeply psychologically damaged by so many years of drama experienced in GOT.

It is high time for me to tell you about the "deeply psychologically damaged" side of my poor little brain of inveterate gamer. From chronic delusional psychosis to compulsive neurosis, I went through all the phases. Different events, different moments of the game and different encounters led me to have doubts about the state of my mental health, and yet it had all started so well...

To give you a fair idea about what GOT looks like to me i will do it very simple : imagine yourself with a TV tray on your sofa. You choose different series and films on Nextflix and put them all together. So let me tell you all these episodes that you know only too well.

PHASE ONE : THE LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE SYNDROME

My GOT memory isn’t what it used to be because I have lost too many neurons on the different servers I went to. So I think that all started on k202, I will pretend that to comfort my poor little brain.

Let's start at the beginning, this moment when we all see life in pink, you remember it all right: I have just been born on k202 and I'm getting familiar with my new avatar and my own castle. I have a power that can be counted in five-digit number and I am super happy. I won't realize until later that it's actually very small, but let's not skip the steps.

I called this phase: the "Little House on the Prairie" syndrome.

I am then blessed by the 7 Gods, the Old and the New. This is the year One of a new life in k202. I then went in search of resources to grow my castle. I discovered an alliance and we made lots of new friends from all over the world. Some get married, some get into tiny fights, some get tons of new friends. Of course as in any community there are some tensions and no one is safe from facing the derogatory remarks of a Nelly Olson. 

But so goes life then.My kingdom is protected from external incursions but what does matter to me then, I have enough to do in the kingdom in which I am.

One day, a message appears, a ribbon scrolling down on my screen announces that my "server" will soon open. I didn't realize it then but our kingdom was under a protective bubble that, over time, faded until it eventually disappeared. I was excited to meet new players from this great planet GOT. What will I be able to learn again? Will new gifts, rewards or donations arrive in my bag?

Almost at the same time, it was the excitement all over the place and the world chat, the alliance chat and all my private chat rooms fill up with two new words that enrich my GOT lexicon: merit hunters.

 PHASE TWO : PARANOIA

As the server k202 opened its digital gates, a wave of new players flooded into the game, bringing with them an unexpected phenomenon known as "merit hunting" and no idea what it was all about, I thought maybe a quest to boost the self estim of some unfortunate players.

But in fact, these individuals were on a mission to accumulate merit points by any means necessary, and their arrival set off a chain reaction of paranoia within me because I had just realized that this game that I thought was all cute and beautiful was much more sophisticated than it looked. These merit points are one of the key to get stronger : they can bring boosts on timing for research and construction, blue diamonds and the more points you have the bigger your army is. My analysis on the matter was not rhorought enough to better understand what these points are for, but for sur if big players migrate to get more of them it should be important.

And of course as a fashion effect coming from Paris, everyone started looking for these famous points of merit and it did not matter how to get them. That's when a new verb appeared in my GOT lexicon: "zeroed". The meaning is very simple: all the troops of your castle are annihilated so set to zero. I then became a millionaire or rather I accumulated as much zeroed as in 1,000,00

I couldn't help but question everyone's motives and intentions. Were they truly here to enjoy the game and build a community, or were they just after personal gain? Every interaction became suspect, every conversation analyzed for hidden agendas. Trust became a rare commodity, and I found myself second-guessing every decision I made.

 The once warm and friendly alliance chat now seemed like a breeding ground for betrayal and deceit everyone wanted to go for merit points now. It was like a scene straight out of Monty Python's "Holy Grail," with players lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce and burn all unbubbled castles in their quest for those merit points. The paranoia grew, and I became hyper-vigilant, constantly on the lookout for any signs of treachery and my bubble was on all the time as guardian of my paranoia.

 In this surreal world of mistrust, innocent remarks were twisted and distorted, leading to absurd accusations and exchanges that felt like a medieval version of a comedy sketch. "Thou hast used the wrong emote! Thou art surely a spy sent by the rival alliance to sabotage us!" we would proclaim, our words dripping with melodrama and exaggerated suspicion.

 Alliances crumbled like the collapsing bridge of doom, leaving me feeling stranded and isolated amidst the sea of doubt. I found myself watching every move, analyzing every word, like a knight guarding a coveted treasure. The once lively banter became a battle of wit and wordplay, as I employed the sharp tongue of the court jester to outsmart my adversaries.

 But even in the midst of paranoia, there was room for self-mockery. I reveled in the absurdity of it all, trading lines from the film like cherished comedic gems. Laughter became my secret weapon, the Holy Hand Grenade that could obliterate the tension and restore a semblance of camaraderie.

 And so, armed with wit and a healthy dose of self-deprecating, I navigated the treacherous landscape of paranoia. In the end, it is just a game—a game where the lines between reality and fiction were as blurred as the Black Beast of Arrrghhh. I faced the challenges, embraced the absurdity, and emerged victorious, not in merit points, but in the bonds forged through shared laughter and the quest for the ultimate punchline.

PHASE THREE: Tourette's Syndrome

 Straight after these waves of merit hunters, come two very powerful players. They did not hide their goal: to take control of Kings Landing and thus the entire kingdom. Yet another new word appeared in my GOT lexicon: "whales". Whales are big and powerful players and next to them I was only krill. They came for the resources they keep needed to grow on power and they need a full kingdom for that.

The unrelenting paranoia took its toll on my fragile sanity. The constant stress and suspicion began to manifest in peculiar ways, as if I had become a victim of Tourette's syndrome. In the heat of intense battles or heated discussions, my avatar would involuntarily blurt out nonsensical phrases and expletives, leaving those around me utterly perplexed. "I fart in your general direction!" would some exclaim, using humor as a shield against the shadows of suspicion.

But unlike some arrogant gamers who continue to insult everybody copiously in world chat with their vulgar use of the big F or the big B; constantly creating "retinal rape." I have never given in to this type of vulgarity.

Contrary to my habit, you have certainly noticed that I have not named any player. I do not want to use my column as an element of personal revenge because you must know that at that time, if you did not join the alliance of conquerors, you were insulted very seriously every day on the world chat. At first, I took a step back but I quickly found myself alone and isolated from everyone because I used my words to fight against these daily waves of very rude insults. This lasted 5 months.

It was as if the mounting frustration and anxiety had found a peculiar outlet through these uncontrollable verbal tics. It was as if all these players who joined the new king's alliance and certainly wanting to please these powerful whales, were suffering from Tourette's syndrome and would unleash a barrage of incoherent words and insults in different languages words, causing the other players to exchange puzzled glances. It was both mortifying and isolating, a surreal experience that made me feel like the resident jester of the game.

Then came my turn to be affected by this syndrome but in a different way. Picture this: I'm in the middle of a fierce raid, the adrenaline pumping through my virtual veins, when suddenly I shout, "Flaming dragons on a unicycle!" The battle momentarily grinds to a halt as my alliance members exchange bewildered glances, wondering if I've somehow glitched into a twisted version of the game.

 In the virtual realm, where epic battles and strategic maneuvers should reign supreme, I became the unwitting court jester, inadvertently injecting moments of absurdity into the most intense situations. My Tourette's-like outbursts became legendary, earning me the nickname "Sir Babblesalot" among k202 Westeros. Oh, the joys of being the comic relief in a world plagued by paranoia and power struggles!

 But amidst the embarrassment and isolation, I found solace in the laughter that followed. Instead of being met with hostility or judgment, my virtual Tourette's moments became a source of entertainment, a much-needed respite from the weight of paranoia. My only two remained alliance mates, recognizing the absurdity of the situation, embraced the hilarity and turned it into a running joke. "Beware the fury of Sir Babblesalot! He shall smite thee with nonsensical words!" they would jest, their laughter echoing through the kingdom.

 In the end, thes different forms of Tourette's became a reminder that sometimes laughter is the best medicine, even in the face of paranoia and isolation. Through the quirks and oddities of our virtual selves, I discovered the power of camaraderie and the healing effects of shared humor with a player named Childericus, Duke of A2X, who came to me and showed me that there is something else to GOT than this kind of behavior. I was the diplomat of A2X.

And so, armed with a peculiar sense of humor and a newfound acceptance of my virtual tics, I ventured forth into the game's twisted realm, ready to face the next outrageous adventure with a smile on my face and a barrage of uncontrollable words on my virtual lips well much more through my fingertips on my keyboard. Childericus took me under his wing and we jumped to k272.

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PHASE FOUR: MULTIPLE PERSONALITY SYNDROME

My main functions as a diplomat within A2X have been the representation and protection of the interests of my alliance, the initiation and facilitation of strategic agreements, the negotiation of treaties and conventions, the obtaining of information and the facilitation of different types of exchanges. And in order to facilitate the growth of my character, I started to create new accounts. But the prolonged exposure to its shenanigans and complex characters in k272 had left me lost in a sea of personas. I began slipping into various identities as a coping mechanism, each one influenced by the memorable characters I encountered within the show.

 There were moments when I embraced my inner Littlefinger, his cunning and manipulative nature flowing through my virtual veins. I would scheme and plot, orchestrating elaborate strategies to outwit my opponents. But just as quickly as the influence of Littlefinger took hold, I would find myself embodying the fiery determination of Daenerys Targaryen. I would channel her fierce spirit, ready to conquer the realm with dragons by my side.

 Oh, but the confusion it caused! With each new castel, a new persona was born.... or it is each new persona, a new account was born? I found myself juggling multiple identities and castles, trying to keep track of them all like a troupe of acrobats performing a delicate balancing act. One wrong move and I risked stumbling into a pit of chaos.

 Sometimes, I would log into the wrong account, greeted by the unexpected sight of a castle I barely recognized. "Wait, is this my main castle or my alter ego's secret hideout?" I would mutter, scratching my head in bewilderment. It was as if I had become trapped in my very own game of identity crisis.

 The lines between reality and the virtual world blurred, as I struggled to maintain a cohesive sense of self. Was I the master manipulator or the dragon-riding conqueror? Or perhaps I was just a confused gamer lost in a sea of multiple accounts and multiple personalities.

 To make matters worse, my fellow players faced similar challenges. The proliferation of multiple accounts became a common strategy to develop their main castles : some help to get the resources I need to develop buiding and carry on the researches, some help to fight ennemies and some helps to spy and to get information I need from other alliances . But confusion reigned supreme, and it wasn't uncommon to witness fellow gamers scratching their heads and muttering, "Wait, which castle is this? Did I just attack myself?!"

 The lines between personas and accounts blurred, I found solace in the absurdity of it all. As I logged into one castle after another, embracing different personalities, I couldn't help but chuckle at the sheer madness of the situation. It was as if Game of Thrones Winter is comming Game had become a virtual hall of mirrors, reflecting back the fragmented nature of my own identity.... of course the mutliface God wasn't very far.

And so, with a sigh and a wry smile, I navigated the treacherous landscape of multiple personalities and multiple accounts, much like Norman Bates. Each day brought a new adventure, an odd journey into the depths of my fractured mind. I felt like I was wandering through the corridors of the Bates Motel, unsure which door would lead me to my true self. 

In this virtual realm, I had become the director and the protagonist of my own psychological thriller. The line between sanity and madness blurred, as I delved deeper into the labyrinth of my virtual existence. But amidst the confusion and uncertainty, there were moments of clarity and laughter, a respite from the dark shadows that loomed over my psyche.

 I too had my own secrets and hidden identities. Each castle I stumbled upon was like a room in the Bates Motel, concealing its own mysteries and surprises like the subdued rooms of the very particular mansion of Petyr Baelish. And just as Norman found companionship in the form of his mother's alter ego, I found solace in the company of my virtual alter egos, embracing the absurdity of our fractured selves.

PHASE FIVE: MEGALOMANIA

We had gone around k272 and with A2X, we then took the road and jumped from different kingdoms to different kingdoms to learn encounters and at the same time recruit new members. Our journey took us to k68 and I found a powerful new friend there who protected us from merit hunters and the expansion desires of other alliances : Wusel.

Wusel was then Duke of UnC and King of k68.

Always busy with my duties as a diplomat, I absolutely did not take care at all of my character and my power level stagnated at 150M with a very limited knowledge of the Art of Fighting that my diplomatic skills more than compensated for in order to enjoy playing. I was then evolving in a world of giants where the forces involved were counted in Biillions.

But here's the thing, as a diplomat, I found myself mingling with powerful lords and ladies, trying to imitate their ways and thinking I was their equal. Oh boy, what a mistake! I should have focused more on keeping the peace and extending my alliance's dominance instead of daydreaming about my castle's power and my desire for power and dominance within the game grew stronger. I mean, who wouldn't want to be the ruler of kingdoms and have the power of life and death over subjects? It's like being the ultimate king, right?

This period fed my megalomania like a hungry dragon devouring its prey. I became obsessed with expanding my territory's alliance, conquering neighboring lands, and exerting my influence over other groups. I was on a power trip, and it was a wild ride!

Those modest goals of resource gathering and community building? Yeah, they quickly transformed into an insatiable thirst for absolute power. I mean, forget about doing good and all that noble stuff, right? The lines between right and wrong? Blurred. My ambitions? Relentless. The consequences? Pfft, who cared? I became the Night King and now I have the ego that goes with my feeling of omnipotence.

But then reality hit me like a charging warhorse. I forgot about the wall. The wall were the other much more experienced players and when I crashed into it, it hurt. Ouch! Zeroed, zeroed and zeroed again. This wall, it was like the embodiment of my own foolishness, reminding me that even in virtual worlds, there are limits to our megalomaniacal fantasies.

Speaking of fantasies, you know what movie perfectly captures the struggles of a tormented soul like mine? "Birdman" by Alejandro González Iñárritu. Just like the main character, I was haunted by my inner demons, constantly seeking recognition and grandeur. It was like I was trying to regain my own virtual glory, just like him.

But hey, let's face it, I was living in a virtual reality of power and domination, completely oblivious to the warning signs of my impending downfall. It's like those collapsing walls in the labyrinthine corridors of the protagonist's mind in "Birdman," except mine were more like virtual castle walls crumbling around me.

This period made me realize that true power isn't about domination and supremacy. No, it's about cultivating meaningful relationships and finding that sweet spot of balance. So, yeah, I've learned my lesson in this unforgiving game, and now I embrace humility like a knight in shining armor, or at least I try to. It's a reminder that behind all the power plays, we're still human, after all.

Like any great leader, Wusel thought about expanding his power of dominance and he undertook a merger with the VoV alliance. His UnC alliance was put in jeopardy because it was left without Duke. Childericus proposed to take the lead and continue to keep it alive. But UnC then found itself amputated of its best players and a hell of a challenge awaited Childericus and me. With all these whales around us, continuing to harvest resources became an everyday challenge. We then planned to change server and to jump on the k276.

PHASE SIX: TICS AND OCD

While I spent months of negotiations to expand the territory of UnC to have enough resources for everybody, to have friendly relations with the alliance in place H0D and why not take this server after all, a time loop was set up : and all my neuroses and psychoses exploded in my brain when six friends arrived to take the server: Vangark, ShinichiKud0, THE WICH, DarkSama1, Chayle and Loconet.

Attacks on the big players, server completely burned, merit hunts galore and everything I had put in place for months completely destroyed in a few minutes created a feeling of immeasurable vertigo and dizziness in my inner little self: so is it what GOT is made of the same events that are repeated over and over again? Fueling a set of obsessions and compulsions. So everything was going to start all over again?

I would then lock myself into my little world and cling to creating a routine so as not to completely lose my footing. I became like a kind version of Bateman, meticulously focused on every detail, convinced that they held the key to success. Here I am now, right in the middle of American Psycho.

My castle transformed into a shrine of order and perfection, reminiscent of Bateman's meticulous grooming rituals. Each building was meticulously arranged and upgraded, every resource managed with utmost care. 

The red dots that dotted the game's interface became my personal targets, each one scrutinized and addressed with a sense of urgency.

Every little task, no matter how trivial, had to be executed with absolute precision. I was Bateman, meticulously examining the map of Westeros, ensuring that every aspect was flawless. Only in my case, it was the virtual world that consumed my every waking thought.

 My mind became a web of tasks and goals, intricately woven and inescapable. Even in moments of respite, my thoughts would gravitate back to the game, the ever-present demands of my castle. The tics and compulsions grew more pronounced, leaving little room for anything else in my life.

But very quickly I realized that Vangark, ShinichiKud0, THE WICH, DarkSama1, Chayle and Loconet, as powerful and impressive as they are, aren't in no way like those arrogant and power-hungry whales I met then.

They are helpful and full of good advice to me, protective of UnC showing the do's and don'ts. I realized that my position as a diplomat had locked me for two years in a complete lethargy of the game and that it took me two years to find players who really wanted to share their vision and experience of GOT with me and lead me to improve so as not to get bogged down.

I say "I" but I should say "we" as they take the time to advance our Duchess LadySam and our diplomat ch1r1sh at the same time. We are the three musketeers and have become the hoffits of these 6 players. hoffit is the contraction of HOF and Hobbit because we are still very small compared to them.

It was as if this whole process was leading me to become a Hoffit, dedicated to cleansing the kingdom of rebels and rule-breakers. I dusted off players who dared to fall asleep within my alliance. I metaphorically did the laundry, ensuring that our monarch's sheets were pristine. I tidied up and gathered our castles.

In this twisted amalgamation of Game of Thrones and American Psycho, I had become a virtual embodiment of Bateman's obsessive nature. The lines between reality and the virtual world blurred, as I immersed myself deeper into the intricate game. It was a descent into madness and compulsion, but in a strange way, it provided a sense of purpose and control.

 As I looked back at that phase, I couldn't help but shudder at the parallels to Bateman's disturbing world. But in this twisted journey, I found moments of dark humor, realizing the absurdity of my virtual existence. And so, with a wry smile, I continued my quest for perfection and knowledge, embracing the madness that had enveloped my gaming life.

In the depths of my twisted psyche, a glimmer of self-awareness emerged. I realized that the game had become a dark mirror, reflecting back the psychological damage I had accumulated over the years. The power struggles, the paranoia, the loss of self—all of it stemmed from a need to escape from the real world and find solace in a virtual realm.

 With this newfound insight, I embarked on a journey of healing. I decided to become a virtual therapist, offering counseling sessions to my alliance mates and fellow gamers.

• "Have you tried group meditation? It's the latest trend" I would suggest, as they looked at me like I had lost my marbles,
• "May I offer you some herbal tea?" I propose when the stress is felt too much.

 Now that I am aware of all the states I have gone through so far, it seems right to me to help others in turn so that they too may become aware of their virtual neuroses and psychoses of gamer.

Certainly I am still only a child in this game but even children have things to teach adults.

So as best I can, I guide the players who want to. I always tell myself that if I had met people like Vangark and his friends earlier, I would most certainly have gained power much faster. But as I do not regret the paths that have led me to this day. Isn't it said that the destination does not matter, it is the journey that really counts. So I show the elements that I think are important to know from the start and try to put the players who cross my path on track. They are free to stay in touch or chart their own path as best they can.

And so, my journey continued, as I ventured forth from the "Little House on the Prairie" syndrome and navigated the treacherous landscapes of my own mind. with each step, I shed the twisted view that had consumed me, emerging stronger, wiser, and ready to face the next virtual adventure—because, let's be honest, where else can you fight dragons, have multiple personalities, and still order pizza in my comfy pajamas and grease my keyboard?

It's a wild world out there, but it's also a place where humor and self-discovery can help us find our way back to sanity.

Have a nice journey and see you soon →_→